Thursday, October 23, 2014

Let's Get Physical

How many of you look forward to your annual physical?  OK, you people are just weird!  I look forward to my annual physical about as much as I looked forward to final exams in school.   I wish my annual physical was as simple as taking my car in every 5,000 miles to get the oil changed and the tires rotated.  "That will be $49.95 ma'am, see you in another 5,000 miles".  Unfortunately, my aging body now resembles a car with over 100,000 miles.  I'm at the point when all the parts need to either be replaced or are on the "watch" list.

I always stress out weeks ahead of my physical. I fear the dreaded blood sucking so they can see what my cholesterol levels, triglycerides, sugars, salts, amount of wine I consume on a daily basis and whatever else a blood sample tells them.  Can't they just put a strip on my forehead like they do toddlers these days to find out if they have a fever and use it to find out all my vital blood facts?   It would be so much more pleasant for both of us that way.

After the results come in my side of the conversation goes something like this... "Yes doctor, I know that I should limit my alcohol, salt, sugar and exercise more.  I even do sometimes....really!  At least once a week  month!  Well, I exercise!  One out of four isn't bad.  And that ever creeping weight...just the result of all that good wine and restaurant food we now have the time and money to go out and enjoy....oh, and I'm getting older dammit".  Apparently, getting older results in the metabolism slowing down.  Getting older should have a few physical rewards... I'm still waiting to find them.  Youth is wasted on the young!  Can I just have my 25 year old body back?  Shoot, I'll settle for my 40 year old body, the one I should have appreciated more when I had it!  I keep remembering words I heard before, " You are never going to be as young as you are today, so enjoy today!".

I "passed" my annual physical without any red flags.  Of course, I'm still supposed to "limit" my alcohol, eat right and exercise....duh.  Just once I want to go the the doctor and have them tell me to slow down and eat and drink more!  Just once!  That is a physical I would look forward to!

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