De Niro on Parenting

Before the flight to our last snow filled adventure, I downloaded a couple of movies to watch on the plane. One of the movies was, Everybody's Fine, starring Robert De Niro.  I was expecting a light, family dramedy. It was much more drama than comedy.  It really made me think, which is a sign of a good movie if you ask me!

Snow filled adventure!

The movie made me realize that as far as parenting goes, we don't know if we have done a good job raising our kids until they are grown and by then it's too late!  We go through the long days and fleeting years doing the best we can, using what tools we have available.  For me it was a lot of prayer and my best instincts.  There is no quarterly parental review by an objective party.  No one is there to tell us what we are doing well and where we are really missing the boat.  Unless you count the numerous  positive or negative progress reports from school and even those don't always mean you are raising a good or bad person, just take my word on this one.  I am talking more about the imprints we leave on our children's psyches, positive and negative.  We don't know the scars we leave until it's too late, if ever.  There are those who blame their parents for "messing them up" when the truth is, their parents were just doing what they thought was best.  When we reflect on our parenting years, we have more perspective...but in the moment we are just keeping it all together and hoping to make good people out of our children.

 In the movie, DeNiro's adult children have held things back from him to presumably shelter him from things they are sure will disappoint him.  None of us wants to disappoint our parents.  The real truth is, he doesn't need or want protecting, he just wants to spend time with them and have a relationship with them.  We project our feelings onto others and presume we know how they will react or feel, when the truth is, we can't know because we aren't them!

 I once heard a comedian do a skit on the six people in every 2 person conversation.  He was very entertaining but it has a ring of truth and explains why we have so much trouble communicating!
 I decided to google this, because Google is the authority on everything, and here is what I found...

The six people of a conversation – The renowned psychologist William James determined that there were actually six people involved in every two-person conversation:

• Each of the conversationalists as they see themselves
• Each of the conversationalists as they see each other
• Each of the conversationalists as they really are

Think about that for a second!  When you talk to someone, you’re really only seeing the person you think the other is.  But that other person is projecting an image to you that he or she wants you to buy into and wondering if it’s working.  Did you think you were the only one that was obsessing about that?

It is a miracle we can communicate at all!
The movie ended up touching, surprising and inspiring me and in my book, that's a good movie!

The Joy of Naptime

Nap time is probably one of life's most luxurious and gratifying practices!  I am not a regular nap taker but I certainly appreciate the benefits of quiet time in the middle of the day.  My husband would take a nap every day if it was a socially acceptable practice for grown, working people!  We can all use a little down time in the middle of our day, it makes us much more productive overall and far less grumpy!  Yes, maybe we did learn everything we ever needed to know in kindergarten!

I remember when my children were young, I needed them to nap as much as they needed to nap.  A day could be made or broken based on whether nap time was successful.  Some days we all just needed a little solitary confinement to regroup and recharge!  I was usually very productive while the kids were resting.  I folded mountains of laundry, prepped many meals, sewed countless dresses for my girls and cleaned up the remains of the morning all while I watched one or more of my favorite soaps (remember soaps?) during rest time.  I gathered my thoughts and put things into perspective while the kids were napping.  All was well with our world if everyone took a good nap.  The days when there was no nap in nap time were the days Daddy came home to an unholy mess of cranky children and a crankier mommy.  Poor Daddy!

I was reminded of the sheer bliss of nap time today while I was taking care of one of my grandsons. He woke up at dark-thirty this morning and has been very cheerful all day.  Between the early wake up call, reading and listening to oodles of stories, staying afloat at swimming lessons, running several errands in sub freezing temperatures, lunch time followed by another of life's great pleasures...playing in and decorating a giant box....I think he and I are ready for a nap!  I will say, he is one of the best nap takers I've ever known!  He gives his Grampy a run for his money!  I would have been thrilled if any of my children went down for an afternoon rest with the ease and joy of this guy!  He makes me want to lay down covered with silky soft blankets too.  In the quiet afternoon sunlight I am reminded of how much I loved nap time and the peace...and opportunity it provided.

Recharging his cuteness!

Happy Lent Everyone

The partying is over, the pancakes have been eaten,  king cake is no longer king and Friday's are smelling a little fishy.  My weeknights will be sober and hopefully my blog will be more active.  As you all know I'm not big on New Year's resolutions but I do try to observe Lent in some way.  Being a good Catholic girl, the promise of eternal life or maybe it's the threat of eternal damnation seem to motivate me more than the commercial pressure to improve my health or become a better person every January.  This year is like any other and I will give something up and try to do something extra.

Lent just happens to coincide with my 6 week writing class, the first class was held on Mardi Gras, so by default I will be writing more during Lent. We have "homework" and what better place to throw out some of my ramblings/homework than the blog?
Some of our suggested practices are:
1-write 3 pages every morning, even before that cup of caffeine, (yeah, right... that will happen!)
2- find something each day that sparks us and write about it.
3- go on a personal adventure alone, be inspired and write.
 I think I'll try door number 2 or 3, morning time is taken by waking up and putting one foot in front of the other!  So six weeks of sober writing...should be interesting...or not!  Keep in mind... this is practice...not perfect!

Numb Eyes

Sometimes after a trip I come home and wonder why I don't appreciate and explore my own city the same as the ones I visit.  If I were a tourist in my own town, where would I go to explore?  What would I find interesting?  What is unique about this place?  I live in a big city, surely there are places that are fascinating to a visitor.  Many days I see this place through eyes that are numb from living here, sitting in traffic, running errands, focusing on the issues at hand and never taking time to just look around and appreciate. Maybe I should take time out to just be a tourist in my own town.

 Visiting a new place is like reading a great book.  Each chapter or neighborhood reveals something new and if it's good you just want to continue reading or exploring. One of the things I love about going to different places is seeing how other people get to live and what their day must look like.  What do their daily surroundings look and feel like?  We all get used to what we see every day in our lives.  The drive to work looks the same every day, the view of our backyard looks the same and pretty soon we just quit observing and go through the day blindly.  When I visit beautiful places I wonder if the people who live there also eventually quit seeing the beauty around them and just go through the motions of life with their eyes wide shut.

If this were your driveway, would you appreciate the view every day?

I was reminded of this last week when I was in Steamboat, Co.  We visited a woman who lives in a lovely scenic rural setting.  The views were amazing!  I wondered if she appreciates the beauty every day or have her eyes become numb?  If you live in Paris, does the Seine River and all of it's unique bridges become just another river?  What am I taking for granted here at home?

I am heading to Baton Rouge this weekend.  A place I lived for many years and have visited even more years.  I never truly appreciated the huge stately oaks and the spanish moss until I left for a while and came back.  Now when I return I love driving around seeing Acadian style homes surrounded by oak trees.  I enjoy going back and seeing an old place with new eyes.  As I drive back and forth on I-10 today, I am going to try to see with new eyes and enjoy the view.  This, my friends, is a bigger challenge than you know unless you have driven this flat, barren stretch of interstate highway over a hundred times too!  Maybe I'll just imagine I'm driving over the Seine or down my friend's driveway!

Keep your eyes open and enjoy the view!

January....Not For Wimps

Morning has broken

Happy New Year everyone!  The new year is just like this morning when the sun was shining through the fog and trees.  It is beautiful, fresh and full of possibilities.  I was on my way to play a muddy round of golf and was mesmerized by these rays of light.  This was not my first time to see this but usually I'm running late or surrounded by other cars and can't stop to take a photo.  This morning there wasn't a soul to be seen so I stopped in the middle of the road and snapped away.  I am in love with the sun... as has been evidenced by my sunset fixation and even the occasional beautiful sunrise I'm awake to witness.  So as we are into the second week of the new year, how's it going?

 The months of December and January are probably the two most different consecutive months of the year.  December is full of anticipation, parties, family, hustle and bustle, shiny decorations, over eating and maybe over drinking, hearing from friends and family from near and far, crazy schedules with too few hours in each day to do everything that needs to be done, and two of the most celebrated holidays in the world, Christmas and New Year's Eve.  Poor January doesn't stand a chance!

January starts on a high note with New Year's day and immediately winds down to a month when we resolve to work out more, eat less, drink less, do more, be a better person....blah, blah, blah.  We make ourselves do all of this without all of the shiny decorations and holiday gatherings that have been making us happy over the last month.  The parties are all over, those friends and relatives from near and far have gone back to their own lives and we may not hear from many of them until next December.  January is a month where we have got to be strong!  We have to pull up our boot straps and forge ahead on that measly carb-free meal, exhausted from working out and sober to boot, through the trenches of post holiday reality.  January is not for wimps!

Forging ahead...boot straps firmly pulled up....it's time to make a decision.  Study a language, writing or photography?  With no trips planned to any countries that speak French or Spanish, the need to study a language is not pressing.  The writing class is terrifying but intriguing.  I have been feeling less than inspired lately.  Not sure whether that is from leading an uninspired life, lack of imagination or laziness.  The photography class could be interesting but would inevitably make me feel insecure with my poor excuse of a camera.  I am leaning towards throwing myself to the wolves and taking the writing class, the gray matter needs some shaking up!  Hang in there gang, only 23 more days left!

Everything Old is New Again

I had an epiphany last week.  I was in the T-Mobile store waiting for my new cell phone to be loaded with all of my old stuff and had a little time to think, because I did not have a cell phone to check while I was waiting.  I was there trading in my old phone.  It had been providing me with numerous opportunities to exercise my patience by locking up on a regular basis.  I opted for a new version of the same phone.  Nothing adventurous just the same phone...the next generation.  That's when I realized, I am either very loyal or I am just not that adventurous.

We also went car shopping last week.  Don't even get me started....I hate car shopping.  So much pressure!  I have issues.... "spending large quantities of money" issues, "fear of getting taken" issues, "you are wasting my time" issues, and they all make me dread car shopping/buying.  I've had my current car for 8 years.  I like my car.  It has served us well.  It fits like an old pair of shoes.  So we test drove the new version of my car.  Same car, just the new version.  Go figure...I liked it.  I am so boring!  I drove several other cars in the new car quest and I felt like Goldilocks.  Some were too big, some too small, some not substantial enough, some too expensive and some just didn't feel right.  When I drove the new version of my car, it felt like home.  I really tried to like one of the other cars.  I felt pressure to break out of my rut and change things up in my life.  We ended up with the same car, same color, just the new and improved version.  Loyal customer or unadventurous?  Let's just go with loyal.  I'll find adventure somewhere else, next year!

As the year ends, I wish you all a happy and healthy new year.  On today, the Feast of the Holy Family, I remember last year's post on this day.  It's as accurate today as it was then.  It really is all about family.   It doesn't matter what kind of phone you have or what kind of car you drive.

Momma Can't Be Sick

Momma can't be sick.  It's a rule of life!  Think about it....when the kids were young and Mom got sick, the world stopped!  Who takes care of the person who takes care of everyone else?  All I ever wanted when I got sick in those days was to be left alone in my room to sleep it off, and drugs...magic drugs that made me well in an hour.  Of course, there was the risk that nothing would happen in the house and everyone would go hungry when I got sick.  BUT....Mom definitely can't be sick at Christmas.  Who is going to do the shopping, the baking, the Christmas cards, the gift wrapping, the house decorating....and all those other things that make the season bright?  Believe me....it won't be Dad.

I have been sick since Thanksgiving.  I think I am living in a giant petri dish.  I got a cold, TJ got a cold.  I got well, he went out of town.  He came home with another cold and now I have a different cold.  It's like a science experiment.  Add to all the germs and snot flying around our house a man who had knee surgery and needs someone to take care of him.  It would have been much too convenient to get sick when nothing else was happening.  Today, I had to "man up" and take my box of tissues, my cold medicine and my Clara Barton hat at 5 a.m., go to the surgery center and be the "person" for TJ.  I could not be sick!  I did a good job of not being sick until later in the day at which point the germs won.  I will say, TJ was a good patient and the surgery was successful.  But boy does it stink when momma gets sick.  Like I said, it just needs to be a rule of life...Moms do not get sick.