Gutted

It was all sunshine and blue skies the first two and a half days!

And just like that...everything changed. At 12:30 on 02/02/22 I was flying down a mountain, well maybe not flying...but exceeding my internal speed limit, when I decided to slow down and turn.  Not exactly sure what came first the pop of my knee or the fall, but I was down, and I knew I wasn't going to be skiing much more that day.  With the help of two kind men, I was able to get my skis off, get up, put my skis back on and ski, ever so slowly and carefully, down to a lift and ask for them to call ski patrol.  Funny how life can change in a moment.

You can't see it, but I am giving the camera a very "mean" face. 
Not the way I was hoping to get to the bottom of a ski hill...ever again!

As we stood there waiting for the ski patrol to arrive so many thoughts went through my head.  How bad is this?  So much for skiing this week... or this year! Is this going to require surgery?  Will I ever ski again...and if I can, do I dare?  What are we going to do about all of those plans we made for the spring?  Am I going to have to ride down the mountain in the "sled of shame" again?  Maybe they will just let me sit on the back of the snowmobile?  Wishful thinking.  It was back in the "sled of shame" for me.  At least this time I was feeling a lot better than the last time I got a free ride to the bottom.  Luckily this time, the first place I went to was not the hospital, it was to the mountain clinic.  X-rays were done, nothing was broken.

When you fall skiing, there is a risk of a head injury.  Yes, I was wearing a helmet and "no" I did not hit my head.  The medical staff asked me many times, my birthdate and what happened, presumably to check for any head injury.  I passed.  Unfortunately, I also had to tell rooms full of people how old I was, my height and ....my weight.  No problems with that one, right ladies?  Yeah, so far...not one of my favorite days.

If I heard it once, I heard it several times...."at your age, blah blah blah".  You would think I was 90 years old!  I don't even qualify for Medicare yet, (thank you very much) which turns out to be a big problem when your husband is retired and on Medicare and you are not.  Things are a lot more complicated in healthcare limbo.  No worries, just a temporary pain in the ass.  The clinic gave me a nice, hinged brace, which has become my new best friend, and told me to be sure to see an orthopedic doctor when I got home. The rest of the ski week was spent resting, icing, compressing and elevating (RICE) on the couch in the condo.

Experiencing some serious FOMO perched on the sofa.

The next morning, I woke up, in pain.  After TJ served me breakfast, made tea for me and I was safely perched on the sofa for the day, he went skiing.  Before he left, he dutifully turned on the dishwasher.  I sat and looked out of the window and tried not to cry.  After about an hour I hobbled my way to the bathroom and noticed I could still hear the water running, which I had assumed was the dishwasher...which should have been done by then.  I had a sinking feeling I might look into the kitchen and see water coming out from under the dishwasher all over the kitchen floor, but there wasn't.  I could still hear water though.  I went back into the bathroom and then I realized it... the giant-jetted-hot-tub in the bedroom had water running into it.  A litany of swear words flew out of my mouth when I went in and saw 2 ski boots and 3 suitcases floating in a hot tub with the water level almost to the top!  Just what me and my injured knee needed today!  Apparently, when TJ sat on the edge of the tub to put on his socks, he accidentally turned the faucet on and did not hear the water running over the dishwasher.  I didn't hear it either... because the dishwasher was running.  A comedy of errors.  All I can say is boy am I glad I had to go to the bathroom!

And why, you may ask, do we store our bags in the tub?
Because, it is huge, we never use it, and there is no other storage for this stuff in the condo.

If I was worried about getting any exercise that day, I had no worries now.  Suitcases full of water are VERY heavy!  The water was HOT so plunging my arm in to pull up the drain was exciting.  Thankfully, during my panic, a friend called to see how my knee was doing and managed to talk me through the clean-up.  Fireplace to the rescue!  After I emptied the tub, then the water out of the suitcases and the boots, I wiped everything off and lined it up in front of the fire.  The rest of the afternoon was spent on the couch rotating suitcases and boots in front of the fireplace.  Can't make this stuff up!

This is how you dry your suitcases
when they finish relaxing in the hot tub.

The rest of my ski week was spent running one scenario after another through my head.  I decided not to get too upset just yet because we did not know exactly what was wrong with my knee.  It could be a minor injury, or it could be a bigger issue.  Judging by the pop and the pain, I had a sneaking suspicion it was more than a minor issue.  The waiting game begins.

Once we got home, I went to see an orthopedic surgeon on a Wednesday.  He sent me in for an MRI on Thursday.  Finally, on Tuesday the doctor called with the results.  The minute I heard the word ACL I knew it was bad news.  Full ACL tear and partial medial meniscal tear.  He suggests surgery, especially if I want to lead an active life.  Plus, he did not say, "At your age..."   he said, "You are too young not to do this."   Can he turn back the hands of time on the rest of my body when he goes in?  To quote a Great British Baking Show contestant when they get eliminated, I was "gutted" after the phone call.  

When do I have time to go in and have a surgery that will take 8-12-24 weeks to recover and rehab from?  Before TJ retired, he made sure he scheduled a trip or activity every month from February through September.  Something is going to have to give.  Choices are going to have to be made and sacrifices will happen.  I am pretty sure that the top thing on his retirement "things to do" list was not "take care of your wife after she has knee surgery".  I feel terrible!  And I'm not just talking about my knee.

If you know anything about me, you know I am busy trying to figure out how to have my cake and eat it too.  How can I go on "some" of the scheduled trips, have surgery, rehab, and move on with life?  Retirement was supposed to be so much better!  After 2 years of a pandemic, putting big plans on hold, now we have the time, only to be put on hold once again.  I am sure there is some deeper cosmic meaning and lesson to be learned from all of this, but I am currently not in the right mind to see it.  Maybe my perspective will all be in hindsight.

Deciding whether to run...or hobble in and have surgery now or postpone it until after at least one of our "already planned and scheduled" events is my current dilemma.  I know...first world problems.

I am also acutely aware that 6 months is a proportionately larger part of the life I have left to live than it used to be.  Not to be morbid, just being real. Time and days are suddenly at a premium. Why waste a few months being in pain and postponing the inevitable?  Regardless, ACL reconstruction and meniscal repair surgery is in my near future.  Yipee!  

If any of you out there have experience with this surgery, I am all ears.  How long did it take you to feel even close to normal?  What should I expect?  Putting my life on hold for at least 3 months is slightly overwhelming right now.  So... I am gutted.  Stay tuned for a better attitude.