Yesterday I said goodbye" to what feels like a small part of me. It was more emotional than I expected but necessary in order to move forward. I sold my camera, after 3 years of trying to love it as much as its predecessor (the beloved camera) with little success...it was time to say "goodbye" to the imposter. The imposter was a replacement for the beloved camera that was unfortunately dropped on a set of dark stairs in Italy..."repaired" and subsequently lost later in 2022. I kept trying to make it work and was continuously underwhelmed. What happened? Did I lose my skills or my "eye"? Was it an inferior piece of equipment? Was it the subject matter? I don't think so...we have been to a lot of picturesque places and we have some pretty good-looking grandkids! Regardless of what I tried, it just never measured up. This camera made me lose my joy in photography because it was always an exercise in patience not to mention a lot of bad photos. There were small parts of me that got tired of being the person with the camera in her face and I made some efforts to be more present. More and more I just started to rely on my cell phone. The camera stayed home from more trips than it took and started collecting dust.
I found myself thinking about our upcoming travels and feel like they are more worthy than just my cell phone, so I started researching cameras. I still wasn't sure I was selling the current kit, but it just isn't what I want to schlep around for weeks in my backpack and ultimately be disappointed with the results. After a few sleepless nights, yes, I overthink big purchases and breakups, I woke up this morning and decided to say "goodbye". I also unloaded my beginner camera, the one that is responsible for turning me on to Sony mirrorless cameras. With a relatively small down payment for my next new toy, I am spending way too much time watching YouTube videos about cameras.
When I left the shop with a check in my hand my head was spinning. Why was this so emotional and dizzying? I really did feel like I was losing part of myself. I have so many fond memories of photography classes, field trips for photo shoots, having pride in my efforts, printing favorites that brought me back to many special moments and portraits of grandchildren that make my heart swell. For some reason, the photos from the camera (mostly from the beloved one) hold a more special place than the ones on my phone. Not to say the phone doesn't hold a lot of my life in my gallery!
Sure, I probably could have gotten more $ for the cameras with a lot more effort and agonizing. I'm just not up to it! I had to rip the band-aid off and move on. I did enjoy talking to the girl at the shop about possible replacements. The world of photography or should I say cameras has changed since I started playing with photography about 10 years ago. Now all the popular cameras are the ones made with vlogging in mind. They are lightweight, have a screen that flips up, out and around so you can walk, talk and video your life and those around you. The cameras are so much more focused on videography than still photos. I just want to take beautiful shots of landscapes and capture the beauty of the people and places around me. Sure, I post enough stuff on social media, but I am not in line to become the next senior citizen vlogger. That being said, there is something to the smaller multi-faceted cameras available. I want something small and still better than a cell phone...which is becoming more and more difficult to find with the advancement of cell cameras. The next toy has to be one that I don't mind carrying around in my backpack on long trips. It can't feel like another piece of luggage. I want to bring back the joy in photography. If you have any ideas, please share!
Still in mourning, I looked through some of my photos and some of my books to confirm that I was not mistaken about the replacement camera. Photos taken with my beloved camera are still some of my favorites! Maybe it was just the right combination of inspiration and equipment. It was a sweet spot. The ones with the replacement that I just sold had a low success percentage. Sure, there were also some good shots but just not as many. So here I sit, searching for that lost inspiration. I let the creative side fall asleep over the last few years. Time to awaken.
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| Something nice from the beloved camera. |
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| While beautiful, just not as clear or focused as it should be...and this after many attempts. |
