I Never Had To Walk Alone

I wrote this post a long time ago and never published it.  I reread it last night while I watched our dog, Sadie, try to figure out what to do with herself.  She was in pain and my heart was breaking.  Today we said goodbye to her after over 14 years.  Her body just gave up.  She was a good dog and she loved all 9 of her lives!  She was my constant companion and sometimes a pain in my ass but I never had to walk alone!  We walked about 6,000 miles (this is my best estimate) together and I admit, I'm going to miss her!

Just chillin' to the music

Instead of changing everything to the past tense I'm leaving it as written.
Here's to you girl....

I never knew having a relationship with a dog would be so complicated.  Let me start by saying I was a reluctant dog owner. Yes, we have owned one and sometimes two dogs for over twenty years!  When I say it that way I am amazed I lasted this long.  I am not your usual  "I love my dog... can't imagine life without it... let me spoil it.... aren't dogs the best?" dog owner.  Well, maybe I am... a little.   I enjoyed my dog most of the time and resented her and found her to be a major pain others.  Am I alone here?  In spite of my occasional resentment, I learned a few things from being a dog owner and observing her through the years.

Routine is a good thing
In retrospect we should have named her Pavlov.  She could be the poster dog for Pavlov's dog.  There is comfort in having a routine.  Sadie has always been the ultimate creature of habit.  Open the back door, she springs up and runs out.  She has her "go to" spots in our yards and goes to them in the same order every single time.  Her life is mostly a series of predictable actions and reactions.  I think this makes her happy.  She even knows when we vere off the usual walking route and tries to lead me "her" way.

Seize the Moment
Sadie is always up for anything...except a bath.  She can be sound asleep and if I get the leash and rudely awaken her from her slumber she is up and ready in a second.  She doesn't have to put her makeup on, brush her hair, check her calendar or worry about whether it will be too hot or too cold, she is ready!

Loyalty
Sadie probably knows there are times I resent her.  She probably also knows my heart is heavy every time we have to leave her at the kennel or with a friend when we travel.  I hate disrupting her idyllic life.  In spite of having been left behind many times, she always welcomes us home with her tail wagging and love in her eyes.
She is my fierce protector in Nova Scotia, just ask anyone up there with a large dog.  Any time a large dog comes near me, Sadie pounces to my aid with growls and barks at the intruding dog.  She is especially alert when TJ is out of town.  I think she takes a deep sigh of relief when he gets home. She is off duty and can finally relax.

Sadie in her happy place!

Patience
Any being who can wear a leg cast for 3 months and come out the other side with as much life as Sadie, has a lot of patience.  She never gave up, much to my dismay.  Ok, that's the reluctant dog owner in me coming out.
Hunting dogs naturally have patience.  Waiting on point until the clueless hunter finally comes to see what treasure the dog has found takes a lot of patience.  Sadie will stand at point watching a rabbit in the yard for a long time.  Every muscle in her body is quivering but she waits for just the right moment to pounce, unsuccessfully on the rabbit.  Patience.

Trust
I can do no wrong in Sadie's eyes.  Those are probably the only eyes in the world that I can do no wrong!  She has unwavering faith that every morning I will let her out, feed her and take her for a walk.  She knows that her needs will be taken care of every day and so far they have been which makes her trust us.  Sometimes I think she wonders about me when I take her to the vet.  She looks at me with those teary eyes as if to say, "What did I do?  Why are you brining me here?!".

Grace Through Pain
Sadie forged on with her life when all of us thought it was over.  She learned to eat, drink, walk, use the bathroom and sleep while wearing a cast on her leg for 3 months.  She still tried to run to the back door when we opened it so she could stalk squirrels and rabbits.  I know dogs can't really complain, but to see her never give up and never really complain was amazing.  Grace through pain.

Even at the end, when I knew she was hurting, she looked at me with those brown eyes as if to beg,
" Make it better."  A more helpless feeling I have never known.  I hope she is running like the wind on the great sandbars in the sky.  Walking without a dog on a leash will take some getting used to and be a daily reminder that she is gone.

It's Here!

is here!

"Winter is officially over!", at least in south Texas.  All it took was a couple lovely weeks of sunshine followed by four days of heavy rain, a few warm days and spring has sprung.  She also left a layer of dusty yellow pollen on every outdoor surface and some indoor surfaces of the negligent housekeepers like me.  Every tree and bush outside are showing off their brilliant brand new green foliage just in time for St. Patrick's Day.

Except for the stubborn pecan trees!

Dressed for St. Patrick's Day

Sunday also marked one of my favorite days of the year.  The day daylight savings time begins! We gained an hour of patio time which will be enjoyed until the inevitable swarms of mosquitoes hatch and execute their evil plan to ruin our outdoor haven.  Our winter hibernation is over, the world is coming back to life!

We did not do our best planning Saturday night for springing ahead.  We went out with another couple to Provisions, one of the top 100 Houston restaurants.  We indulged like it was our last supper!  I've never had foie gras before, at least not the kind that isn't a pate' like substance.  This was the real deal and it was decadent!  Seared and seasoned to perfection!  It melted in our mouths.  It was also the most expensive thing I've ever witnessed anyone order in a restaurant.  We lingered over our foie gras, perfect wine and conversations.  Dinner ended right about the time we usually go to bed.  We said our goodbyes, poured our tipsy, happily satiated selves into our Uber car and made it home just before midnight.  It was then that I realized as I turned our clocks ahead to 1 a.m..... 9 o'clock Mass was going to come very early!

You call this foie gras?

This is foie gras!

We trudged through the next day missing our hour of sleep recovering from our indulgences of the night before.  We finally felt human by late afternoon and were able to fit in an entire round of golf before sunset!  I love daylight savings time!

 In no particular order, here are some top reasons daylight savings time makes me happy.

-Patio season
-More hours in the day for people like me who aren't morning people.
-The dark mornings have fooled the screeching bird outside my bedroom window and silenced it. Then again, maybe it has flown off to it's next migratory stop and is pestering someone else.
-TJ and I can play guilt free, late afternoon golf  after he's put in a full day in the home office.
-The beginning of daylight savings time means that until June 22nd the days will continue to get longer and longer!
-Daylight savings time is one step closer to summer and we all know what summer means....Nova Scotia time!
-We spend a lot less time watching TV and more time outside doing things like, walking the dog, playing golf, doing the outdoor chores we have put off all winter and drinking wine, or Fresca during Lent,  on the patio!
-I am sure we live a healthier life due to the extended and more active outside time, unless you count the wine on the patio.  Just anticipating post Lent indulgences.

I know there are some parents out there who are not loving daylight savings time though.  It's hard to get the kids to go to bed when it's still daylight and even harder to wake them up in the dark.  I remember being that kid who longingly looked out the window from my bed and watched the kids whose parents did not make them go to bed at the regular time during DST.  Once school was out, the longer daylight hours were spent running the neighborhood, playing hide and seek or chase until the dusk and mosquitoes chased us inside.  Those were the days my friends!

Enjoy that extra hour outside everyone!

Four Weeks Down, Two to Go

"How's that writing class you are taking?" you all want to know, right?  We are in our fifth week and while I've done a lot of writing, I doubt any of it will be shared in its entirety here on the blog.  Most of the stuff is impromptu and very rough!

 "What color is your jealousy? Write as if you were your jealousy for 10 minutes...go!".
It's like teaching someone to swim by throwing them into the deep end!  I must admit I had no trouble at all writing about my first crush in the class after Valentine's Day!  I could have gone on for pages about his dreamy blue eyes and blond hair, our awkward silent conversations on the telephone, the notes passed to each other through mutual friends, and the pitter-patter of my young heart every time our eyes met.  It was true puppy love!  On the other hand, writing about a typical school morning when I was 6 or 7 was a challenge.  I have very few memories of any school morning routines other than making my bed every day.  I shared a room with two of my sisters.  There were two twin beds and a crib in between the beds in our room.  We would shove the crib back and forth, with my younger sister still in it, in order to have enough room to tuck in our sheets and bedspread.  This usually resulted in one crying baby, two arguing sisters and some banged up walls.  Maybe this explains why making the bed is still not one of my favorite chores!  Having to write about something I have very little memory opens the door for some poetic license.  I am surprised at how an impromptu, 10 minute writing exercise can seem daunting at first then something clicks and before I know it the time is up.  Surprisingly, I've ended up in some interesting places!  I guess the class is working.

We only have time for two of these in my class.

One interesting suggestion our instructor made in class was to lower our standards.  Yes, those were her exact words.  The theory is... our fear and our inner critic keep us from writing.  That damn inner critic!  We all want to be perfect or as close to it as possible.   We want to be able to write a compelling, well constructed piece every time we sit down.  Anything less is unacceptable.  Truth is, writing is just like anything else.  The more we do it, the easier it gets.  It's like the side crow pose in yoga...impossible at first, but after many failed attempts, it can be done.  All it takes is a lot of practice.

One of our daily exercises is to write "morning pages".  We are supposed to write 3 pages with an actual pen and paper, every morning, before we even have that first cup of caffeinated motivation.  My writing hand is cramped and numb by the second page!  Who writes that much long hand anymore?  Supposedly, the computer is not as effective at transferring those profound thoughts from our heads to the paper as pen and ink.  I'm trying!  I have followed directions and lowered my standards assuring that my morning pages are pure garbage!  I also blame them for the lack of blogging.  After churning out 3 pages of drivel every morning, I am ready to practice golf, not writing!

De Niro on Parenting

Before the flight to our last snow filled adventure, I downloaded a couple of movies to watch on the plane. One of the movies was, Everybody's Fine, starring Robert De Niro.  I was expecting a light, family dramedy. It was much more drama than comedy.  It really made me think, which is a sign of a good movie if you ask me!

Snow filled adventure!

The movie made me realize that as far as parenting goes, we don't know if we have done a good job raising our kids until they are grown and by then it's too late!  We go through the long days and fleeting years doing the best we can, using what tools we have available.  For me it was a lot of prayer and my best instincts.  There is no quarterly parental review by an objective party.  No one is there to tell us what we are doing well and where we are really missing the boat.  Unless you count the numerous  positive or negative progress reports from school and even those don't always mean you are raising a good or bad person, just take my word on this one.  I am talking more about the imprints we leave on our children's psyches, positive and negative.  We don't know the scars we leave until it's too late, if ever.  There are those who blame their parents for "messing them up" when the truth is, their parents were just doing what they thought was best.  When we reflect on our parenting years, we have more perspective...but in the moment we are just keeping it all together and hoping to make good people out of our children.

 In the movie, DeNiro's adult children have held things back from him to presumably shelter him from things they are sure will disappoint him.  None of us wants to disappoint our parents.  The real truth is, he doesn't need or want protecting, he just wants to spend time with them and have a relationship with them.  We project our feelings onto others and presume we know how they will react or feel, when the truth is, we can't know because we aren't them!

 I once heard a comedian do a skit on the six people in every 2 person conversation.  He was very entertaining but it has a ring of truth and explains why we have so much trouble communicating!
 I decided to google this, because Google is the authority on everything, and here is what I found...

The six people of a conversation – The renowned psychologist William James determined that there were actually six people involved in every two-person conversation:

• Each of the conversationalists as they see themselves
• Each of the conversationalists as they see each other
• Each of the conversationalists as they really are

Think about that for a second!  When you talk to someone, you’re really only seeing the person you think the other is.  But that other person is projecting an image to you that he or she wants you to buy into and wondering if it’s working.  Did you think you were the only one that was obsessing about that?

It is a miracle we can communicate at all!
The movie ended up touching, surprising and inspiring me and in my book, that's a good movie!

The Joy of Naptime

Nap time is probably one of life's most luxurious and gratifying practices!  I am not a regular nap taker but I certainly appreciate the benefits of quiet time in the middle of the day.  My husband would take a nap every day if it was a socially acceptable practice for grown, working people!  We can all use a little down time in the middle of our day, it makes us much more productive overall and far less grumpy!  Yes, maybe we did learn everything we ever needed to know in kindergarten!

I remember when my children were young, I needed them to nap as much as they needed to nap.  A day could be made or broken based on whether nap time was successful.  Some days we all just needed a little solitary confinement to regroup and recharge!  I was usually very productive while the kids were resting.  I folded mountains of laundry, prepped many meals, sewed countless dresses for my girls and cleaned up the remains of the morning all while I watched one or more of my favorite soaps (remember soaps?) during rest time.  I gathered my thoughts and put things into perspective while the kids were napping.  All was well with our world if everyone took a good nap.  The days when there was no nap in nap time were the days Daddy came home to an unholy mess of cranky children and a crankier mommy.  Poor Daddy!

I was reminded of the sheer bliss of nap time today while I was taking care of one of my grandsons. He woke up at dark-thirty this morning and has been very cheerful all day.  Between the early wake up call, reading and listening to oodles of stories, staying afloat at swimming lessons, running several errands in sub freezing temperatures, lunch time followed by another of life's great pleasures...playing in and decorating a giant box....I think he and I are ready for a nap!  I will say, he is one of the best nap takers I've ever known!  He gives his Grampy a run for his money!  I would have been thrilled if any of my children went down for an afternoon rest with the ease and joy of this guy!  He makes me want to lay down covered with silky soft blankets too.  In the quiet afternoon sunlight I am reminded of how much I loved nap time and the peace...and opportunity it provided.

Recharging his cuteness!

Happy Lent Everyone

The partying is over, the pancakes have been eaten,  king cake is no longer king and Friday's are smelling a little fishy.  My weeknights will be sober and hopefully my blog will be more active.  As you all know I'm not big on New Year's resolutions but I do try to observe Lent in some way.  Being a good Catholic girl, the promise of eternal life or maybe it's the threat of eternal damnation seem to motivate me more than the commercial pressure to improve my health or become a better person every January.  This year is like any other and I will give something up and try to do something extra.

Lent just happens to coincide with my 6 week writing class, the first class was held on Mardi Gras, so by default I will be writing more during Lent. We have "homework" and what better place to throw out some of my ramblings/homework than the blog?
Some of our suggested practices are:
1-write 3 pages every morning, even before that cup of caffeine, (yeah, right... that will happen!)
2- find something each day that sparks us and write about it.
3- go on a personal adventure alone, be inspired and write.
 I think I'll try door number 2 or 3, morning time is taken by waking up and putting one foot in front of the other!  So six weeks of sober writing...should be interesting...or not!  Keep in mind... this is practice...not perfect!

Numb Eyes

Sometimes after a trip I come home and wonder why I don't appreciate and explore my own city the same as the ones I visit.  If I were a tourist in my own town, where would I go to explore?  What would I find interesting?  What is unique about this place?  I live in a big city, surely there are places that are fascinating to a visitor.  Many days I see this place through eyes that are numb from living here, sitting in traffic, running errands, focusing on the issues at hand and never taking time to just look around and appreciate. Maybe I should take time out to just be a tourist in my own town.

 Visiting a new place is like reading a great book.  Each chapter or neighborhood reveals something new and if it's good you just want to continue reading or exploring. One of the things I love about going to different places is seeing how other people get to live and what their day must look like.  What do their daily surroundings look and feel like?  We all get used to what we see every day in our lives.  The drive to work looks the same every day, the view of our backyard looks the same and pretty soon we just quit observing and go through the day blindly.  When I visit beautiful places I wonder if the people who live there also eventually quit seeing the beauty around them and just go through the motions of life with their eyes wide shut.

If this were your driveway, would you appreciate the view every day?

I was reminded of this last week when I was in Steamboat, Co.  We visited a woman who lives in a lovely scenic rural setting.  The views were amazing!  I wondered if she appreciates the beauty every day or have her eyes become numb?  If you live in Paris, does the Seine River and all of it's unique bridges become just another river?  What am I taking for granted here at home?

I am heading to Baton Rouge this weekend.  A place I lived for many years and have visited even more years.  I never truly appreciated the huge stately oaks and the spanish moss until I left for a while and came back.  Now when I return I love driving around seeing Acadian style homes surrounded by oak trees.  I enjoy going back and seeing an old place with new eyes.  As I drive back and forth on I-10 today, I am going to try to see with new eyes and enjoy the view.  This, my friends, is a bigger challenge than you know unless you have driven this flat, barren stretch of interstate highway over a hundred times too!  Maybe I'll just imagine I'm driving over the Seine or down my friend's driveway!

Keep your eyes open and enjoy the view!