Crusty Bread

 I recently finished the book, Sandwich, by Catherine Newman.  It was mostly enjoyable and while I can definitely relate to some of it, I did not relate to all of it.  One of my daughters mentioned it and I asked her if it was about Sandwich the place or Sandwich the generation. She replied, "both".  Ok...so I listened to it while I walked this month.  It was coincidental that we visited Cape Cod the first week in December and it happens to be the setting of the book. The book made me think of all kinds of things I would rather push under a rug and forget about!  It also opened my eyes to a few more things that I have considered over the past year.

On Cape Cod...not Sandwich, but close enough.

Being of a "certain age", I find myself no longer in the middle of the sandwich of life.  I really liked being the inside of the sandwich.  The part that gives the sandwich its unique flavor.  The part that defines the sandwich.  The part that sticks the two outside layers together.  It has been a long time since I was that fresh bread layer of the outside of the sandwich.  That layer that is tender and delicate.  The one that bruises or crushes at the lightest touch.  Nope...I have graduated to the bread at the back of the loaf that has been out for a while.  That slice that is a bit stale and dry.  Not quite the end of the bread loaf but one of the slices toward the end.  Not quite crusty or moldy, but these are debatable on any given day.  

There is something about losing both of your parents and many members of their generation.  Suddenly, but more likely gradually, you look in the mirror and realize you are them.  You are the ones on the outside of the sandwich.  We used to be the ones setting the trends, then we were the ones keeping up with the trends and now we really don't give a crap about the trends (most of the time).  What even are the trends?!  There is something liberating about this place.  I find myself saying things, out loud, that I never would have let out of my head before.  My filter is loosening up.  I have more confidence to just say what I mean, until one of my kids calls me out and I think to myself...damn, I am not the person they look up to or listen to anymore.  I am becoming the person they hear and sometimes shake their heads at as if to say, "Mom!" and discount my words which leaves me feeling irrelevant.  I am, one day, going to be the person who has to listen to them.  Crap!  Of course, I may be like my parents and just choose not to listen.  We have all vowed to listen when they say things like "you can't drive anymore", "you need to move out of the house" and so on.  I am not near that stage yet...but when you are the crusty outside layer of the sandwich...it is a place you can see off in the distance.  I, for one, am still not quite embracing being the elder at the family gatherings.   

Bring on Christmas with the kids and grandkids!  I will be the one trying not to act my age!

I still can't decide if I liked the book or not.  It brought me to some dark places, but it made me laugh and it made me think.  Even if I didn't like all the thoughts.  Maybe in the end, that is what makes a good book.