20/20 in 2020

Happy New Year!
It is that time again, that time of year we all look back and forward, decide what was good and what needs improvement.  Kind of like an annual performance review, ugh.  Time to sync our calendars, make a few plans, check the budget to see if the plans are realistic. Dare to step on the scale and remember those indulgent holidays and then make a well intended plan to make healthier choices.  Realize it has been 2 months since you wrote anything on the blog and once again, for about the 4th year in a row, decide that "no" you are not ready to close down shop just yet.  The goal of writing more than I wrote last year should be very achievable!  How's that for setting the bar low?  So...today I went to the gym for the second time this year, ate salad for lunch and now I am making a valiant effort at writing a blog post.  Killing it in the first week of 2020!

Earlier this week I decided to read my journal (see.. I do still write, it just isn't for public consumption) from last year to see what consumed my time, energy and thoughts all year.  I did not have to go very far to notice the year was an assortment of emotions.  Most of the first half of the year was spent planning the wedding which was the source of stress, excitement, self-doubt, anticipation, love, anxiety, exhaustion, gratitude, happiness and more love .  Wanting something to be perfect for so many people is basically impossible, yet I spent many a sleepless night trying to figure out how to do the impossible.  As they say, hindsight is 20/20 and in 2020 I can look back and say I should have worried less and slept more before the wedding.

Why was I worried?  It WAS perfect!

There was one journal entry in May that struck me and spoke volumes.  I guess that is why journals are such a good thing.  The emotion was, and I quote, "an overwhelming sense of peace".  It probably comes as no surprise that the week we spent at the farmhouse in May was possibly one of the best ideas we had all year.  It was a great way to release some of the pre-wedding, self imposed stress and be at peace with the world.  Plus, sketchy Internet and being outside digging in the dirt goes a long way to re-center oneself.

An overwhelming sense of peace can be found here.

With the wedding behind us, the middle of the year was easy!  It is easy to escape anything resembling real life when we are at the farmhouse, just ask anyone who needs me to "engage" in any of my responsibilities back home while I am up there.  I am very good at shore life!

Amazement and thankfulness mixed with a bit of stress and concern were the emotions I felt when my parents made their way to and from the shore for what... again...could be their last summer.  We have said that for the last 2 years so it will come as less of a surprise if it happens again this year.  Never underestimate the power of red sand and salty breezes.

Skepticism was one of the emotions I had before our cruise along the Danube River.  Never one to jump on the bandwagon or follow the herd, going on a cruise was something that made the doubting skeptic in me rare it's head.  It seemed like the easy way to travel.  In my mind, I always thought to be a true "traveler" you had to forge your own way and not rely on someone carrying a paddle leading you to the "sights".  How could my travel experience be as true and authentic on a cruise than those done on our own?  Well, turns out it is a bit of both.  In my 20/20 hindsight, the cruise was great fun, the benefits of not having to pack and unpack to see so many different locations and eating and drinking delicious food and wine outweighed having to follow someone to the sights.  We did still go rogue when we could!

My favorite "excursion" on the cruise.  

Finally, December provided a few new emotions this year.  I am still grappling with what they are.  I would say shocked, dismayed, lost, and thankful.  I was shocked when I realized TJ and I would be spending Christmas week alone together.  Never in either of our lives have we spent a Christmas with no other immediate family members.  What would we do?  We played many different scenarios over in our heads but for whatever reason none seemed right.  We were both thankful that we managed to raise 4 independent and adventurous individuals who just so happened to be independently adventuring elsewhere for Christmas this year.  We made our bed and now we had to lie in it!  Things happen for a reason!

We decided to be tourists in our own state.  There are plenty of places in Texas I have never seen before.  We went to San Antonio on Christmas Day for a very different Christmas Day, enjoyable, but different.  Surrounded by families celebrating together along side many other couples, just like us, celebrating alone together.  The rest of the week in Fredricksburg was more than I had hoped for.  What a charming town, full of cute shops, good restaurants and live music every night!  We embraced it!  We also bonded from afar with our two daughters celebrating Christmas in Germany with the many German touches in the area.

We celebrated in solidarity from afar.

Once again, in hindsight, being alone together for Christmas was a blessing.  We saw some beautiful places and were able to have a special time together.  The holidays were relaxing and not stressful at all.  Part of me thinks this will only make me appreciate the next hectic holiday even more.  No worries, once our kids who live here returned we celebrated the 8th day of Christmas, aka New Year's Day, with gifts, family time and dinner together.  It was perfect!

In hindsight, 2019 was a very good year!  As the saying goes, hindsight is 20/20 and I hope when I look back at 2020, it looks as good in hindsight as the last one did!