Sunday, July 24, 2022

The Better Part

A little Sunday reflection from last week for everyone. 

It happened again!  Last night I went to bed very tired and expected to fall right to sleep.  It had been a beautiful day here at the shore.  As it happens somedays, I crammed a bit too much into the day and had a moment of exhaustion made worse by hunger and this combination may or may not have resulted in a less than hospitable environment.  Like I said, I went to bed expecting to fall right to sleep but my brain had too much to process and would not allow it.  I ran through every possible issue, solution, situation, scenario, expectation, emotion...real and perceived and came up with no answers, only more questions.  I tried everything to try to fall asleep and quiet the gerbil in my brain.  I tried praying, I tried meditating, I tried tossing and turning, I tried and tried to turn it off with no success. This is not unfamiliar territory at this point in the summer at the shore.   I seem to have difficulty combining the things I think I should do with the things I want to do and this results in me not sleeping because I am convinced there is a way to have my cake and eat it too, because in my mind everyone else is doing this with ease.  

After my restless night we went to church this morning.  As I walked into the church I suddenly thought to myself, "I bet this is the Martha and Mary Sunday".  The minute the priest started talking I knew I was right.  The gospel was indeed about Martha and Mary.  After seriously considering not going to church and just catching up on my sleep, I knew there was a reason I was there.  It was like every word spoken was an answer to my prayer.  The perspective I was missing.  The calm for my soul.  This reading has meant different things to me at different times in my life, as I am sure it has to many people.  There were times in my life that were far more carefree and there was not as much "stuff that needed to be done" to keep me from what I thought was the better part.  Then there were the years when the "stuff that needed to be done" was overwhelming and I became resentful that others were not helping and were all enjoying the better part...in my mind's eye.  There is a fine line between doing what needs to be done and enjoying the better part.  The better part, in the reading, is quiet time spend in reflection with God.  There were times I mistakenly figured the better part was just sitting around in conversation having a good time, which I am always up for!  But today, it hit me that the better part may be those quiet moments that feed us and give us the bandwidth, so to speak, to find that balance between the things we ought to do and the things we want to do.  

Life at the shore always perplexes me.  I so much want to do it all!  I want to work around the farmhouse and fix it up and enjoy the yard and share it with everyone.  I also want to take walks, sit on the beach, read books, visit with every single person within a 3 mile radius, share meals with friends and family.  I want quiet time to "just be"....and social time with laughter and/or thoughtful conversations.  Inevitably, I struggle with finding the time to take care of the need for clean clothes, a clean house and cooked meals and the want of social time spent on the beach, the golf course or with friends and family at night.  Maybe the answer is in the better part which can provide the balance and perspective I really need to enjoy all parts of life here and maybe even help me sleep at night.

And for your viewing enjoyment, a few photos from the week of trying to embrace the better part!

What happens when you tell Augie we are going in the truck...
wasting no time!

Paella by chef Chris!

Morning quiet time and sunlit tomatoes

One super happy mom with her water baby!

Augie really loves his storage tub bathtub!
Necessity is the mother of invention!

Sheer joy!

Picked some lettuce!!!
Yes, it is delicious!

Built a rocking chair and have enjoyed several evenings rocking on the deck.

Just love the clothes on the line after a day on the beach!

Farmer's Market side trip bonus!

More grandchildren arrive and the water games continue.

Picking berries in the yard.


Wednesday, July 6, 2022

The Next Stage

 Celebrating a significant (at least to me) birthday recently, plus my mother moving to an assisted living home, has really thrown me for a loop.  Most of the time it is easy for me to ignore my age, I am only as old as I feel and most days, until recently, I feel pretty good=young.  I didn't have to deal with daily reminders of my numeric age until I had to sign up for Medicare and renew my 10 year old driver's license in June.  Now, every time I open my wallet I see 65 year old Lisa staring back at me instead of 55 year old Lisa, who was very tan, a bit thinner with fewer "experience" lines and chins.  My new photo, thanks to the new technology, is many shades of gray and makes me look like a faded version of myself which only serves to remind me that maybe I am becoming a faded version of myself.  "Damn, I hate you, new driver's license!"  Add to this the almost daily mail I now receive from Social Security and I am finding it harder and harder to deny my age, try as I may.

All of my peers have either lost their parents or if they are still alive, are now dealing with care for them in one sense or another.  As our parents get closer to the end of life it makes us also come face to face with our own mortality.  Not trying to be morbid here, it is a fact of life.  For so much of our lives, if  we are healthy and barring any tragedies, the natural end of life seems in the distant future.  For me, I never gave it too much consideration until recently.  A few things have moved it forward in my consciousness.  First, the death of my father, second my mother's health and her recent move and lastly, coming to the shore this year and realizing my generation has moved up in the pecking order of the circle of life.  

One of the blessings of the shore is the presence of several generations every summer.  Currently, I can count 4, maybe more, generations being represented here.  We grew up spending our summers surrounded by people of all ages.  It is part of what makes this place so special.  Our lives back home are not usually spent with such a broad spectrum of people.  We tend to spend most of our time with people in our same stage of life with the occasional visit from a grandparent or an aunt or uncle.  This summer, I am noticing there are fewer and fewer of my parent's generation showing up at the shore and it is eye opening.  For the last 20 years those aunts and uncles have been staples here at the shore.  They were our foundation in this place, the reason we all love this place and return year after year is because they loved this place and brought us year after year.  They started some of the very traditions that we love so much!  We have passed this down to our children and now some of them are passing it along to their children.  Suddenly, we have become the older aunts and uncles....YIKES!  

Being one of the "older" aunts and uncles is a blessing and a curse.  A curse...because obviously we are the next to "age out"....but not for a long time!  The good news is that currently, the blessings outweigh the curses.  The blessings are that we now have the freedom to spend months at a time here and don't have to rely on a few vacation weeks.  Every week is suddenly a vacation!  Being at the younger end of the older generation gives us many years to enjoy our new role.  I consider that my parents enjoyed 20 years of summers with their siblings and cousins at the shore after my dad retired.  If I think about how long 20 years really is, I have a long time to enjoy this phase of life! Another blessing is being able to watch as the next generations pass through some of the next phases.  

Rainy days at the shore mean different things to different ages!

There is lot of perspective that can be gained as we get older.  For example, rainy days.  As a child, rainy days up here were spent playing countless card games, tromping around in the rain wearing our boots and raincoats, driving our parents crazy because we were bored.  As young adults and teenagers we spent many a rainy day sleeping in, playing cards or games, and socializing, eating plenty of junk food.  As a young parent of children, rainy days felt endless.  Stuck in the small cottage, feeling alone and isolated with restless children thinking of ways to keep them entertained and not go nuts in the process.  Dealing with wet clothes and enduring a noise level that would have benefitted by the invention of noise cancelling headphones!   Add to the mix the teenagers who seemed to consume all of the food in the building and rainy days were never my favorite.  But I was a lot younger...so there was that!  As the nest emptied rainy days provided me with a much needed "day off".  A day off from the sun on the beach, a day off to read, a day off to do things around the house and catch up.  A day to sit and visit people one on one.  A good rainy day has also resulted in the writing of more than one memorable skits over the years. Retirement rainy days mean a restless husband instead of restless children! (almost the same thing, only slightly quieter). 

The point is, as I sit here on this rainy day, I think back to the many stages of my life up here and realize maybe the grass wasn't greener on the other side, maybe it was all green...just different shades of green that I  didn't see yet.  So, I will try to embrace this new stage of life at the shore and make the very most of the next 20 years, even if my driver's license does look like some old lady with a double chin.


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